Came to a simple insight today. Went to get lunch and decided to eat at Subway. This was one of Terry's favorite places. The one near the church was the one we had gone to for the last couple of years when she was not in the hospital. At the hospital, I would go out to the local one and bring in her "Subway Melt" that she always had. Except on the days when they ran a special since that saved money. Most of the time I would just get her the "Subway Melt" anyway. What was a couple of bucks really? I would get the special so she could feel like we saved something. Anyway, we would get the sandwiches and just talk. That was lunch together most days. Simple, sane, stable, and safe.
What was my insight? Life was just a whole lot more fun with Terry. I miss the fun we had. Nothing like it. Nothing to replace it. Life was just a lot more fun before.
Like I said, nothing profound. Just so very simple and basic. No going back. Those days are done.